drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
