it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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