I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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