I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
