You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
