I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
