i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
