Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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