she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
