She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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