Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
