I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
