what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
