So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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