Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
