dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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