I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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