quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
