My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
