The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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