who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i think i just lost a toe
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
