Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
