I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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