Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
