I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
