Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about my life...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
