he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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