woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
