Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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