Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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