Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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