Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
