her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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