at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
