i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
