My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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