if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
