This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
