I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
