I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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