had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
