PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
