i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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