Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize