I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
