There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
