I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
