Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize