it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
