I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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