This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
