In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
