Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
