Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
