Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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