So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"