Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.