Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?