let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine