GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.