Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
