So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
