you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize