i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
