Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You ruined the universe
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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