There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
