He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
