Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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