I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize