Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
