You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
