He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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