Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
