if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
