I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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