Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
