guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
