Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
