i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
