Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
