shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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