i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
