I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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