I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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