The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
